I’m a little torn here. I don’t know if I can do this game justice. On one hand, my playthrough of this game went so badly that I never got to finish it. On the other hand, I got some valuable insights on how not to play. There were good times and bad times, and I did my best, I suppose. I think (I hope) I’ve got the idea by now. I’ll get to it then:
Castle Crashers Review
Overview
Castle Crashers is a story without words. But there is a lot of screaming and diarrhea in it.
It’s another game by Newgrounds refugees The Behemoth, makers of my much-loved Battleblock Theater. In this one, you and some friends play as four angry knights out to rescue some damsels and save the kingdom. To do that, you scroll from left to right and beat up everything that gets in your way, preferably with epic sword-juggling combos. But arrows and fireballs work too, I guess.
Won’t Quit with that Style
You guys ever seen those posts online where somebody puts up a random goofy screenshot from a show out of context and says “People who haven’t seen the show, explain what’s happening”? Well…people who haven’t played the game…explain what’s happening.
It’s pretty straightforward, actually. Because Tiana from Princess and the Frog and Cock-a-doodle-Cyclops driving a prom night carriage away from black King Caesar who’s eye-lasering four chibi Power Rangers fighting on top is exactly what’s happening.
This game is a never-ending madhouse. You get attacked by an army of punching bees. You fight giant raging corn on the cob. You slay a fire-breathing sock-puppet dragon. It never stops. This game rides on its insane set pieces and sense of humor. All of it is well-animated and fun to look at. Still images don’t quite capture it.
Combat is Simple but Satisfying
You only get two melee attacks, light and strong. You get a little bit of magic and a few items, some one-time-use, some permanent. Not a lot else. But with a couple of clever design decisions they’ve managed to make those few buttons go a long way. Strong attacks become throws if you’re close to an enemy and ground stomps if they’re prone. Alternating light and strong makes combos, which are unlocked as you level up you’re character. You can jump and attack, and more importantly, you can juggle enemies. Doesn’t sound that groundbreaking, but having a partner knock a guy in the air while you smack him around in mid-air can just be…shiveringly good. With a dozen bad guys on the screen coming at you at once, the action gets so chaotic you can barely see what’s happening. And I only got to play with two people. The amount of ridiculous whoop-ass four guys can dish out in this game is something to behold.
And, well,
That’s About It
There’s not a lot to Castle Crashers. Simple premise, simple controls. You kill everything you see. But that is by no means a bad thing. Now more than ever, there’s a place for pick-up-and-play couch co-op games. This is a game where you invite a few friends, get some beer and pizza, and horse around for a few hours. Not a lot of skill or concentration required, and that’s a-ok. Not all games have to be dramatic, technical masterpieces. Some games can just be lowkey fun.
Having said that, as a footnote:
Here’s how NOT to play
In an attempt to be helpful to my review, my playing partner decided to put all stat points into magic. The idea was to see if he could successfully build an attack mage and become and fire-blasting powerhouse.
Nope
By the time we got to the 15th stage or so he was totally useless. He would die in a few hits and he couldn’t hit hard enough to keep enemies at bay. He was having a miserable time and had lost all interest in the game. So we never got to the end. So word of warning: diversify those stats. That’s all.
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