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Late night hosts reacted to the results from Super Tuesday during their Wednesday shows. Former Vice President Joe Biden took the lead with 10 states, followed by Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders with four. New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg won a single U.S. territory, though he dropped out of the race the following day.
Over on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the host joked that “Joe Biden has risen from the dead” and that “Super Tuesday was like Easter Sunday for Joe Biden.”
Kimmel added that the biggest surprise of the night was when “Biden revealed he is also the banana on The Masked Singer.”
“It’s essentially now a two-man contest. It’s Joe and Bernie fighting for the nomination like it’s the last bowl of Jell-O at the senior center,” said Kimmel. “And nothing against either one of those guys, but isn’t your late 70s a weird time to start a new job? The only job you should start in your 70s is Walmart greeter.”
Stephen Colbert greeted his audience and announced, “It is the day after Super Tuesday, also known as ‘Old Man Wednesday.'”
“Biden was fired up from his big win. Maybe a little too fired up. He can be hard to follow on a low-energy day and last night he sounded like they ground up some monkey adrenal glands and just injected them straight into his brain stem,” Colbert said before airing clips of Biden addressing the crowd at his Super Tuesday event.
Colbert noted that Biden won in Massachusetts, which is Elizabeth Warren’s home state. Biden notably did not visit Massachusetts during his campaign. “If I’m Elizabeth Warren right now, that’s the last time I campaign coherently,” said Colbert. “Next time it’s just going to be ‘Crazy Aunt Lizzie No Malarkey Stream of Consciousness Folksy-rific Wooden Nickel in Every Garage Campaign-ganza.'”
Jimmy Fallon recapped Super Tuesday during The Tonight Show’s monologue. “And today for Mike Bloomberg it was ‘Oh My God I Wasted a Billion Dollars Wednesday.'” The host said that no one saw Biden’s win coming. “Even Jesus is thinking, ‘Wow, this is a crazy comeback.'”
One segment cut to Fallon acting as Biden during his speech. “Slap your ass and call my lawyer. We did it,” Fallon told the crowd. “No one thought I’d be standing here on Super Thursday in the great state of — what do you call it?”
Seth Meyers dedicated a portion of Late Night’s “A Closer Look” segment to Super Tuesday. Meyers was quick to address Biden’s viral onstage mixup of his wife, Jill, and his sister, Valerie. “One of the first rules of politics: You never want to confuse your wife and your sister,” he said. “Unless you’re starring on a reality show on TLC.”
The host then moved on to discuss Bloomberg dropping out of the race. “In the end, he only won one contest and it wasn’t even in one of the 50 states,” he said. “He only won one caucus in American Samoa. These results were so bad for Bloomberg, he said, ‘Screw it’ and drank a Big Gulp while smoking a cigarette inside a bar.”
“Bloomberg spent half a billion dollars and all he got was a nationally televised atomic wedgie from Elizabeth Warren in the debates,” Meyers added.
Now that the race has been narrowed down to two Democratic nominees, Meyers noted that many people are concerned about who is more electable. “It’s insane that we’re still talking about electability three years into the presidency of the least electable person in the history of elections,” said the host. “Donald Trump is like a lab experiment where a bunch of scientists got together and tried to create the most unelectable candidate possible.”
James Corden joked, “One thing’s for sure. When it happens, those debates between Biden and Trump are definitely gonna need subtitles.”
He added that Biden has surpassed Sanders in the total delegate count. “What Bernie lacks in delegates, he more than makes up for in crumbled crackers in his jacket pocket,” Corden joked.
He then addressed Bloomberg’s decision to drop out of the race. “It just goes to show you, you can’t buy the American presidency,” he said. “You can steal it with the help of Russians, but you can’t buy it.”
Trevor Noah poked fun at Biden excitedly listing off the states that he won in. “That’s a Joe Biden that we haven’t seen in a while,” he said. “Smiling, full of energy, naming states that actually exist.” Noah added, “We were all waiting for him to give a shout-out to Pennsyl-chusetts.”
Noah next addressed the animal rights protestors that stormed the stage during Biden’s rally. In another moment that went viral, Jill Biden intercepted a protestor and held her back until security could intervene. “Stepped in and blocked that protestor like a white lady Jackie Chan,” said the host. “I knew she was a doctor. I just didn’t know her Ph.D. was in ass-whooping.”
“The gloves are officially off. The dentures are in,” the host concluded. “Things are about to get messy between these two. Not just because there’s Vicks VapoRub everywhere.”
Conan O’Brien shared his idea for Biden’s new campaign slogan. After noting that Biden won in many states he didn’t visit, the TBS host suggested that he use the slogan “Vote for me or I’ll come talk to you.”
He next addressed Jill Biden’s quick response in protecting her husband from the protestors. “Today Melania Trump said, ‘Why would she do that?'” O’Brien joked.