With the buildup for WWE’s annual 2K title now officially upon us, it’s time to acknowledge a few talented performers who, unfortunately, probably won’t be making it into the game’s roster this year. That’s right, every year these athletes are snubbed by the Wrestlemania of wrestling games, all because they’re not real wrestlers. And while the create-a-wrestler mode has long allowed players to introduce their favorite ridiculous characters into the game, maybe it’s time WWE gave proper acknowledgement to some of video games’ wrestling greats. In this humble writer’s opinion, these are the top five video game wrestlers that have proven themselves worthy of full-fledged “superstar” status.
5- Zangief (Street Fighter franchise)
The WWE has never had a shortage of hulking, vaguely Eastern European stock-villians, from Nikolai Volkoff to Vladimir Kozlov. However, none of them have ever been quite so hulking or quite so aggressively stereotypical as the Gief. A staple in the series since Street Fighter II, the “Red Cyclone’s” over-the-top persona and bear-fighting training regimen seem like they’d fit perfectly well into WWE’s cast of larger-than-life characters. Team him up with the Bulgarian powerhouse Rusev, and you have yourself one impressive stable. Besides, who wouldn’t kill to see Zangief land a 720 on Roman Reigns, complete with the battle-cry “For Mother Russia!”?
4- DMX (Def Jam Vendetta)
Okay, bear with me on this one. While he’s not technically a “character” in the traditional sense, DMX’s appearance in the wrestling game Def Jam Vendetta make him totally eligible for this top 5 list. Besides, DMX may as well have been born to be a part of WWE’s Attitude Era. With his prison record, X would be sure to deliver plenty of hurt in TLC or other extreme rules matches, and his in-your-face style makes him a perfect fit for the Nation of Domination, alongside wrestling legends such as Mark Henry and Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson. With this stable backing him up, a “DMX vs. D-Generation X” feud would simply be too good too pass up. As an added bonus, he already has his own entrance music!
3- Machamp (Pokemon franchise)
Come on, you know this one would be cool. A few snippets from some of Machamp’s pokedex entries mention that this “superpower pokemon” has mastered every martial art, can launch a flurry of over 1,000 punches in just two seconds, and is capable of launching foes over the horizon with its mighty throws. With moves like that, not to mention two additional arms, the fighting type could wreak some major havoc on the WWE roster. Hawlucha was a close runner up for this spot, but with Machamp’s recent appearance in Pokken Tournament, now seems like an ideal time for him to get that long-awaited title push.
2- King and Armor King (Tekken franchise)
This next one is a two-parter. With a long history of rivalries and alliances that carry all the melodrama and tension of a real WWE feud, these two formidable fighters could make quite the impact on Monday Night RAW. Of course with the goofy jaguar masks and unorthodox lucha-libre style, the duo would most likely be forever resigned to mid-card status, but that wouldn’t stop them from having some mind-blowingly entertaining matchups against stables like the New Day or the Wyatt Family. Guys in jaguar masks versus guys in goat masks? It doesn’t get much better than that.
1- Beowulf (Skullgirls)
While I don’t think anyone will argue that the “Big Bad Wulf” is a fantastic fighting game character, his placement here at number one might be a bit of a head-scratcher to some. Here’s the thing: Beowulf is one of the only wrestling characters to openly acknowledge kayfabe. With in-game dialogue like “botched it!” and “cover me!” on top of his Hype meter mechanic, Wulf goes beyond just being a wrestler and actively makes the art of performance a critical part of his play style. For some fans, this sort of mechanic is exactly the thing that WWE’s 2K games are missing, and probably always will be missing. Rather than just a game where your aim is to beat the opponent, give us a game where your aim is to try and get pushed outside the ring, and your in-ring objective is to either win or put the other wrestler over while delivering an entertaining show. Beowulf isn’t just my top pick because he’s a great character, but because he utilizes a mechanic I’d like to see implemented and expanded upon in the 2K games, as unlikely as that is.
There you have it, the top 5 wrestlers we’d most like to see in the upcoming WWE 2K17. While chances are slim to see King chain-throwing Brock Lesnar around the ring anytime soon, it’s a safe bet that the create-a-superstar feature will at least let players bring a few of their ridiculous dream matches to life. WWE 2K17 is scheduled to release on October 11 in North America on Xbox and PlayStation consoles.
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