They say that every good adventure begins in a tavern. I tend to agree, but if I got to pick my ideal adventure, it would begin in a tavern, end in a tavern, and primarily take place inside a tavern. Because taverns are awesome, and I may have a problem.
So here’s a Top 5 list of virtual taverns that I would break time and space to walk in, have a few rounds, and listen to stories of heroic and foolhardy deeds. Every adventure gets better when you add beer, and every beer is only as good as you place you drink it in. Because while real-life taverns are great, video game taverns are places where heroes are made.
5. The Hound Pits Pub (Dishonored)
The Hound Pits Pub is a classic English-style public house that just so happens to be in the middle of a steampunk dystopia. You can take that as a good thing or a bad thing, but if you can make it to the place during curfew hours it’s got a lovely stained-glass ceilinged bar, lots of old-school brass taps, and cozy red-leather booths to settle down in and enjoy some fresh-caught fish and chips with a pint of something cold to wash it down. They guy who owns it is a former admiral in the imperial navy who got kicked out for refusing to serve the current guy in charge. That guy’s got some stories to tell.
Just try to avoid the man-eating plague rats on your way home.
4. La Belle du Nuit (The Saboteur)
So the bad news is this place if full of Nazis. Old fashion Nazis. You’re in Occupied France, and the German officers love this place.
The good news is, La Belle du Nuit (or “The Lady of the Night”) is one of the best nightclubs in Paris. It’s got that ’30s-’40s gilded Art Deco look all throughout, giant chandeliers, live big band, and singing and dancing performances every night. They don’t make places like this anymore. Plus there’s like, a bunch of French resistance types in there hiding in plain sight, so there’s this conspiratorial air that makes things extra interesting.
Can’t speak for the quality of liquor there, but you don’t come to place like that for drinking anyway.
3. Cafe Bar (The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker)
Sure, Nintendo. It’s a coffee bar. Right.
The poorly-named Cafe Bar doesn’t look like much on first glance. It’s a tiny hole-in-the-wall place with a vaguely Pacific island-theme upstairs from an Eskimo florist. I don’t even think the place has any bathrooms.
But the stories can’t ever be beat. This is the place where all the sailors in town gather on stormy nights and try and one-up each others’ fisherman’s tales over mugs. This, in a world where the oceans are filled with goblin pirates, living islands, and 50-foot-high Krakens. Every story told would be the most outlandish, amazing tale of adventure on the high seas you’ve ever heard, and everybody else would be calling them liars or wusses and trying to top it. All while lavishly drunk on several flagons of…coffee.
2. Akuda Bar (Beyond Good and Evil)
The Akuda Bar is a popular place in the capital city of Planet Hillys, System 4. As you walk in you’ll be greeted by the owner from behind the bar, a tall cow-man in sunglasses named Mo. A jukebox in the corner is playing some psychedelic jungle tune while a stout pig-man in a leather jacket loiters next to it. A scrawny goat-man is challenging a teal jump-suited shark-man to an air-hockey-like game in the middle, trying to win the shark’s prized d’Aramis pearl. As you sip something completely unfamiliar to you, you’re pretty sure you’re the only homo sapiens in the place. But that’s alright: this town is a melting pot of species, and everybody’s money and company is good here.
The unique sci-fi setting alone would be enough to make me want to visit. Plus, like a couple of other bars on this list, it’s a gathering place for rebels, only Hillyan rebels a lot less murder-y and more like hippy activists. They’re fun to be around. I hear they really like haikus, especially the walrus-man that runs the antique shop down the street. It’s both adventurous and welcoming, and the atmosphere is both homey and alien. Just like the whole game, really. But I’ll pine for a sequel another time.
Best Tavern: The Dragon’s Haven (Dragon’s Crown)
This tavern, like everything else in Dragon’s Crown, is an overblown parody of western fantasy tradition. That’s why it’s my favorite tavern in all of video games.
It’s got it all: rustic medieval-fantasy atmosphere, giant hams and turkey legs, tankards and tankards of beer, and best of all, it’s absolutely stuffed to the rafters with heroes.
You’ll be brushing shoulders with elves, dwarves, wizards, barbarians, swarthy rogues and shining knights, all coming in laden with loot and stories after a grand quest. They’ll be telling tales about rescuing fair damsels, defeating foul sorcerers, slaying mighty dragons, and every epic quest you can imagine. That place is the Valhalla of fantasy taverns. When heroes aren’t out saving the land from evil, they’re in The Dragon’s Haven being awesome. It’s one of my many ideas of heaven. Not even being a fantasy hero, just…being there. Being there and soaking it all in. What an amazing, amazing place that would be. Sigh.
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